Changes | theghostofsophie's Blog

This week has been more level with less ups and downs and ultimately drama. There's been physical changes and mental changes and God am I glad with them. There's been no suspected mental breakdowns and I'm now happy, or at least I think I am. There has only been one incident that came close to being unhappy so I'll start with that. It was last night at what in our town is called Dicken's Night and basically I just kinda gave up. I don't know what on but I just felt so deflated and lonely until I met up with some people later on in the night. That sounds really harsh to the people who I was with before but it's not that I didn't enjoy being out with them it was just not as good as it got, sorry. But anyway, I ended up watching fireworks with 4 lads and me under my umbrella which was a bit of a squeeze but it was a laugh. That only happened because I got ditched!
Anyway the main change. I was a redhead and now my hair is black. I know I'm gonna take a load of shit for it and I already got one comment about 'turning emo'. If anything I'm way past the point of being emo. I don't necessarily find that a bad thing, but that's personally, in everyone else's mind being emo means hating life and everyone, cutting yourself and listening to heavy metal. Okay so by their definition yes I am because I've done all of that at some point and I still listen to heavy metal but now I've gone all the way and have black hair. There's a few people that have seen it and says it suits me which I'm so happy about, but there's gonna be people who make those comments that I pretend don't hurt yet I'll just cry about it later. Anyway, even I'm not used to it yet, I walked out of my room and caught sight of myself in the mirror and had to do a double take because I didn't recognize myself.
The final thing is actually quite a big mental change. I'm sick of being called a bitch by pretty much everyone, I know I'm mean I can't help it, but getting called evil is something else. I got to a point a few days ago when I just flipped and thought I'm sick of the bullshit! People say I'm evil and they're doing exactly the same thing! Hypocrites! I got sick of people being two-faced and I honestly think I'm not. If I don't like someone they know about it. That's the worst part I don't like talking behind people's backs and denying it when they find out. There is just no point.
I know what I want now, I know how I feel about things and I know what I'm going to have to in effect 'save myself' from. I'm certain of a lot of things and I want to stay this way. I doubt that will happen though because of school, people and every other obstacle that decides to annoy the hell out of me.